Searching for

7 Augustus 2016.

Here i am, sitting on the yatch. Watching the waves roll over, feel the waves with alot of things to thinking. Far over, there are ternate, tidore, maitara, hiri, standing with its greatness. The skys already turn to red, even when the sun is hiding back the mountain it still create magic color of the sky this evening. Orange red purple in cloudy sky, its just another perfect evening for me.

Actually i often going to the harbour near my home, just to sitting waiting for sunset, thinking everything. What am i gonna do later, what am i gonna eat tonight, what am i searching for, what i gonna do after all this intern thing, someday i swam or someday i just want to feel wind on my skin, waiting the sunset, and enjoy the moment.

I realize that nothing is yours permanently so, i rather be enjoy everyting while it happen right?

Lately i sat here, hearing some good music, and start to thinking, i am going this far, what am i searching for?? Then suddenly i remember something from the book i read few month ago

"more important than what we are searching for is, what are we avoiding" 

What am i searching for? Happiness? Peace? Acceptance? Or just proving my self that i can do something that i think i cant do?

Its more important to answer what is actually am i avoiding back there?

Maybe i already know what am i avoding for back there, im just not ready to face the truth.

Everybody is a liar, especially to their own heart.